Its been a while since I've updated my blog, but I feel the need to vent.
So much has happened that is worth mentioning, such as the birth of my baby girl Amelia, but that has not moved me as much as what I want to write now.
I am going to Ireland. I have dreamed of being there for 15 long years and finally, I will go. I'm 29 days away from setting my foot onto an island that has always had me enchanted.
Why do I go? Maybe its my wanderlust, which started when we came back from Paris. Maybe realizing I CAN afford to go to the one place I've set my heart on has pushed me into action.
I was thinking of making this a guy trip, but even with everyone backing out, I realize that this trip is for me, and me alone.
I feel that this trip is a journey inside my own psyche and what I've always wanted out of life.
Gretchen recently mentioned that she was once scared that if I went, I would never come back. I don't blame her for thinking that. There's a lot of discontentment here and I do have the tendency to run.
I have the feeling though that I will NEVER forget the name Jamie Jordan, no matter how long I live.
Jamie seems to be in a similar situation in life. Stuck in a rut and just hoping for something to give.
She's offered to show me around a bit and I've promised to take her out to dinner in exchange, but somewhere deep, I think she wants to feel special to someone.
I always thought that I would marry a girl from Ireland. I really did. I don't know why or how a woman who talks like that can tug so many of my heart strings.
But that never happened. I never left the States and I never met her.
But now I have.
This woman is the symbolic woman of my dreams and I have two days to say goodbye to her. I make it sound so dramatic, but it is what it is.
I'm saying goodbye to a fairy tale woman that never existed. The woman that haunts me.
I talked to her on the phone tonight at work for a few moments and she was amazing to talk to. The dialect is so beautiful and it just rolls off the tongue and tickles my ears.
She's quite stunning too.
Most likely of cases, she would prove to be annoying and repulsive with time; but for two days, she is the personification of everything I had wished for in a mate. For two days, I will treat her as if I have been waiting all my life for her...
Gretchen doesn't know about Jamie and I would never tell her. This is something I must do and I can't let her stop me. I feel like this is all I have right now and it makes me shudder.
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