A breakthrough...kinda.

I came home on Friday feeling really burdened by life. I think that sinking feeling was getting to be too much for me.
I walked through the door and Gretchen saw something was wrong. After talking to me for a bit, with a few probing questions...I think she went into a panic. She immediately ran over to my mother's and asked her to watch the kids.
I guess my mother sensed the urgency of what was going on, and nicely commented to Gretchen about how leaving the Truth makes people do bad things and that Gretchen could count on my mother if bad things went down.

I don't know what to say about that. My mother has no faith in me, which became painfully obvious.
I probably should be mad with her. But its nothing new to me.
Surprise, surprise...

Anyways...

Gretchen and I drove out to a cemetery and just parked and talked. It still took forever for me to say anything, but eventually it all just spilled out.

I was scared.

I told her how I felt I was falling apart. I was losing my sanity and how I couldn't take much more of this empty feeling.
Gretchen took it a lot better than I expected her to. Maybe she wanted to hear more.

I told her everything that my shattered brain could without being overly redundant. She was quiet and just listened. I told her my thoughts about our incompatibility and that I was dying a little more each year with my needs going unfulfilled.

Gretchen swore that she would do whatever it took to meet my needs, which was touching.

I just feel that she was in denial and in a state of desperation.

I don't know what is going on...