Monday, February 1, 2010

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell...

Awhile back, I found this book laying around the house about "cognitive therapy". The general synopsis of the book is that depression is not a condition, but a frame of mind.

In the early chapters of the book, there is a questionarre that evaluates your depression scale. The point system ranged from 1-66. There were 22 questions that you could answer with a 1, 2 or 3.

"Do you want to slit your wrists?"
1) No.
2) Sometimes
3) I would love to, but dammit, I lost the knife!

Apparently, any normal person would score cumulatively less than 17.
If you are above that, you need help.

I score a 32.

32!

Apparently, 32 is just short of suicidal, even though I've never had thoughts of self destruction. Ever.

I guess that's what triggered the idea that I should get back on some anti depressants.
I initially quit the stuff just to feel like I was in control of my own feelings and not needing pills shoved down my throat to feel like I could make a rational decision.

However, its been 2 years and things are not getting much better on my own.

Which brings up the question of: "Am I depressed or just unhappy? Or both?"

I'll let Cymbalta do its thing and we'll see what happens...

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