I just don't get her sometimes...

I'm not even sure how I would want to start this blog.
Gretchen really confuses me sometimes. I guess that's it.
Yesterday, I had to drop my car off at the mechanics. So Gretchen gave me a ride to work. On the way to work, she handed me a folded piece of paper and told me that I had to open it at work. She hinted that it was very sensative material, so she strongly urged I not drop it or lose it.
Well, I got to work and opened it up...
Lo and behold, it was a rather graphic love letter. It caught my interest, not just because it was sexual in nature, but because it was so very unlike Gretchen to do something like this.
Even though this is merely my speculation: I think Gretchen is afraid of her sexuality. Not that she's a shrew or anything...
But I think she gets embarrassed and ashamed of her personal feelings. It translates in bed too.
Honestly, I think it's worn on me too.
But I don't want to talk too much about her sexual prowlress though.

So I manage to get through the work day, which sometimes is stressful.
Gretchen had reminded me the day before that she was having some friends over for a movie.
So I decided to go see "Hancock" myself.
I got home around 8:45pm or so and there was still some girls in the house, so I retreated to my room and read a book.
Honestly, the thought of that letter did cross my mind. I mean, c'mon, I'm a guy.
However, thinking about the girls over, it's almost 9pm...I didn't think it was gonna happen.
The girls shindig ended around 9pm or so. Gretchen told them she was "tired" and they agreed and just went home.
So around 9:15pm or so, she walks in and lays down on the bed.
"Done already?" I was kinda surprised since their movie wasn't even close to being finished.
"Yeah, I told them I was tired, and Aimee said she was tired too...so we called it quits."

"So how was Brighton today, hon?"
You know, just break the silence.
"Oh, he was fine..."
I guess I was kinda fishing for the mood of tonight. But I really wasn't getting anything from her that suggested that she wanted to get into anything tonight.

Well, I told her that I would finish my chapter and then I was heading to bed. She consented and just kinda laid there for the company.
Well, as we laid there with the lights off, and the quiet hum of the fan...I could tell something was wrong.
"Are you ok?" I asked.
"Yeah, I'm just not tired I guess..."
Now that I think about it, maybe she was trying to tell me:
"I'm not tired Nathan, even though I said I was tired earlier...so you can make your advances now."
But of course, I didn't pick up on that at the time.
After about 5 minutes of laying there, I knew something was really wrong.
I asked her "Are you sure you're ok? Something seems to be bothering you..."
That's when she erupted.
She was mad.

I can't remember the exact dialog, but I can tell you a summary.
I didn't act apon the letter. She was upset and she felt really insecure, and was thinking that I didn't want her and was not interested.
Honestly, it's been a rough couple months. I've given her plenty of reasons to feel that way.
But yesterday, she poured her heart out to me via a letter and I apparently was rejecting her.
She felt stupid and unwanted.

I was really confused and mystified to get such a reaction from her. We both exchanged words and expressed our resentment over the situation, even though I didn't think it was entirely all my fault...

On a happy note though, a little hug went a long way and she felt better. We both salvaged some of our pride and were able to overcome our frustrations with a passionate evening.
Make up sex is cool. It's just the circumstances that make it "make up" sex which sucks.