WTS 8 month pregnant wife. Cheap!

It's been a long time since I've been as upset as I was last night...

Gretchen had some friends over and we were watching 'The Office' together.
I had completely forgotten about the whole event until I walked through the door and found that we had company.

The night was going pretty good; good food, a few laughs. But I noticed that Gretchen had left the lviving room and was brooding in the kitchen while putting the dishes away. I called out to her from the livingroom:

"Hey hun, you alright?"

She kinda snapped at me and said: "I'm fine..."

Of course, her abrupt response even caught the attention of our guests. Needless to say, they saw something was up and decided to call it a night. It was late anyways...

So Gretchen comes into the living room and sits down on the couch and begins to look sorry for herself...

It reminded me of something my 4 year old son would do.

So after some questioning, I found out that she was mad at us (I say us, us being me and our two guests) for not offering her the couch while she was lying down on the floor.
Apparently, she was uncomfortable on the floor and she was mad that I wasn't chivalrous enough to offer her the couch spot.

I tried to tell her that I didn't notice and that it wasn't some concious decision to let my 8 month pregnant wife lay on the floor. If she had only asked me for the spot on the couch, I would have gladly given it to her.

But that wasn't enough for her. She was mad at me for not noticing. She felt that she shouldn't have to ask.

I got mad.

"I can't read your mind and you are accusing me of being selfish/inconsiderate based on the fact that I didn't offer you the couch!"

I'm not a chivalrous person by nature. I know that and she knew that long before we got married, but here she was being mad at me for something I am not.

Let me say it again, I was furious.

We fought back and forth because I refused to apologize for something I didn't do. Something deep inside me refused to back down and accept any responsibility for what had happened.

I'm very good at taking blame. Definitely to a fault.
I will take responsibility for actions that are not my own and it has crippled me as a person.

But not this time.

Gretchen was devastated that I couldn't offer the smallest of apologies, but I dug my heels in based on principle.

I don't know who is wrong here.

Me for being stubborn or her for being unfair?

I have no idea what happened to this marriage...

Running to stand still...

I'm not sure what triggered the memory, but I was surfing the web and realized that I had a blogspot out there somewhere that had some deep thoughts written down. I think I just wanted to see what I had written, since my writings never seem like my own after long periods of time.

Its strange. After reading them almost 2 years after they were written, I see that not much has changed.
I'm 30 years old now. I have two children with another along the way. I've been the first of my family to travel internationally (Paris, France), and I've been promoted at work.

Brighton is now 4 years old and is growing to be just like his mother. Elise turned 1 in November of 2009 and she's a darling. She developed this smile that Gretchen says is a "little Nathan" smile. I think she may be right.

The kids are wonderful, though sometimes they can be a handful.

However, I feel that things are only gradually getting worse with Gretchen and I.

She's pregnant with our 3rd child and she only has about 5 weeks before she's carried to term. She's moody, emotional, depressed and tired and its been rough on us both.

Reading my blogs of almost 2 years ago, I see that little has changed in my life regarding my personal feelings.

I'm planning a trip to Ireland for this summer. Sometimes I wish I could leave and never come back. I get so disgusted with my lack of progess in life and I do feel stagnant.
Gretchen knows that I'm not doing well and my whole "I don't love you" stunt of 2 years ago is probably still seared into her brain. But I can't say that for sure.

I've tried to love her the way she needs, but it seems to come out as just being nice.

Its kinda like when you tell someone one thing when you really meant to say something else.

I need a break.

I'm trying to hold out going to Ireland for nicer weather. I need to get away.